That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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