I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
