You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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