oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
