You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize