Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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