I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize