I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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