Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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