No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
