He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
