Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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