he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize