So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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