My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
