Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
