did you get engaged???
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
