so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
