shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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