fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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