Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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