overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
