you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
