Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
