saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
