I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
