I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
