Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
