I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
