She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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