Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
