end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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