i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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