hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
