i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
