I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
