her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
two words...techno handjob
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
