You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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