don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
