Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
