She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
