i was born a porn star she said
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
