I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
