I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
