My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
