this beer tastes like vomit already
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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