Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't turn off my feet"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
