Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
