my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
