Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
