I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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