Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
