He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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