you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
