I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
