You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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