Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
