We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
