someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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