i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
