What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
