We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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