She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
