It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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