can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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