Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I AM VODKA MAN
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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