I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize