The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
