and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
