my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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