I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
