Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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