tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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