Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
