It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my poor anus
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
