Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize