I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
