Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
