I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
