She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize