I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
