The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
