I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
