I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
