the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had to cum in my sink.
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