Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
