new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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