Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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