I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
