He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
