Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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